I'm back, and I brought drinks.

Sorry to have been gone so long. You don't care, and that's the way it should be.

Foodie Parent is entering the realm of internet nostalgia (thanks for the good times, Foodie Parent), so I'll do my food writing here from now on. The schedule will be... flexible.

Imma tell you about some fantastic hot-weather drinks right now. The base of all of these drinks is the same. It's Miller High Life.

High Life (AKA Champagne) is my go-to hot weather beer. It drinks easy as water and is as inoffensively flavored. Ice Cold on a hot day, I'll have several, thanks. Due to its transparent flavor profile it's a good medium for delivering other flavors while imparting the myriad benefits of beer. So, on with the show!

The Mint Shandy

If you don't know Shandy, you're missing out. She's the best. She's beer mixed with lemonade. Any lemonade will do- you can get all fancy-pants (agave nectar and fresh gnome-squeezed heirloom lemons,) go ghetto rollin' (rifle through garbage cans for a McDonalds cup half-full of lemonade,) or in-between (find a gnome at McDonalds and fill in the blanks.)

If I don't have any Lemonade mix on hand I'll use a squirt of RealLemon juice from the bottle with some honey, splenda or whatever. If you don't have any lemonade, lemon juice or lemons you can't have a Shandy. Move along.

The easiest way to accomplish Shandy Status is the 'psshtCRACK' sluuuuuurp/top 'er off' method. If you're all fancy you can use a glass.

To take the traditional shandy to holy crap that tastes like butterflies status, tear up some fresh mint leaves and just float em on the top. It'll aromatize that beverage til your eyes roll back into your head. See that? It's your brain.

So, about that fresh Mint. It's easy to grow. If you happen to have any, it's nearly impossible NOT to grow. If you want to start a mint patch, may I suggest a neglected corner of your neighbor's yard? I may not? Very well. Use a pot on your porch.

Also: a  pretty awesome substitute for Lemonade:

I  realize if one doesn't have lemonade in the house it's far less likely there's Fresca in the fridge. Not my problem.


Advanced Botanicals: The Poison Ivy


This one is not for the non-insane. It requires two additives: A lime and a chili pepper.


I use peppers from the 'Super Chili' plant I bought in a back alley in West Baltimore:

One pepper is hot enough to kill your inkjet printer. So by all means, procure one and inflict a Dorsal Slit upon it thus:

Pair it with a lime wedge:

Pop it in the can, or a glass if it's for a photo:

That's it. It is a glass of insanity. Use whatever pepper you have on hand and let me know how it works out. 


Thanks for hanging out, it's good to talk again. See you around!